Friendship is a lifelong endeavor.
We develop friendships at an early age, without much provocation or training from our parents. As babies, we gravitate to each other to play and to engage. As children, we range from shy to “show off.” You could say that we’re all born with the friendship gene and not until later do we learn how the actual beliefs and skills that create real friendship are paramount to our survival.
Something marvelous happens when we recognize, “that person sees me—truly knows me!” So powerful is the connection. A human bond excites and marks the beginning of something unique, energizing and life-sustaining. Our friends provide
the scaffolding when aspects of our life collapse or enhance the joy when we share successes!
What Makes for Solid Friendship
There isn’t one precise formula that describes what a friendship entails. Casual friends add value to our life because they enrich our social landscape, provide a creative boost, new wisdom or a chance for adventure. Well vetted and chosen social media relationships can provide a nourishing context for our day-to-day life.
It is the deeper friendships where our true well-being blossoms. Either with those people that have been in our life for years or new friends that just feel like we’ve known each other for a hundred years.
Health Benefits of Friendship
As mind/body theory continues to take a stronger hold in medicine, research on friendships has recently flourished, all with similar results. One recent study found that people who are in positive close relationships may have a lower risk of heart disease and more positive attitudes that foster better overall health.
Being with close friends elicits positive chemical reactions, diminishing the risk for depression and keeping us in an optimistic zone. A review published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that strong social relationships had positive physiological effects, such as lower inflammation, while isolation had an even harsher negative effect on participants’ blood pressure than diabetes.
In common terms, this effect is like the old adage: “Joy shared is doubled, while misery shared is halved.”
Ruptured Friendships
Even strong, long-standing friendships suffer when miscommunication arises. One of the most downloaded podcasts
on our Boom Goddess website is about “derailed friendships” because 99.9% of our interviewees vibrate with that kind of circumstance in their own lives.
It seems that as we grow, we become increasingly unique and differentiated. The fact is that we cannot help but grow in different directions and with myriad ways of coping with the realities of our lives. These tendencies often create gaps between us and our old friends, between how we expect our relationship to be and how it actually becomes. Unless we consciously anticipate these changes and adjust accordingly, one of the friendship partners or both is likely to become disappointed and hurt. This creates a rupture in the relationship and a derailment of the friendship.
The good news is that with strong intentions, friendships reconcile and we continue to forge as strong a bond as we’ve had before the break-up. One could say that the break, once discussed and understood, can make for greater closeness and resolution, the ultimate test of a lifetime friendship.
What Makes Up Enduring
Friendships
Consensus has it that the way men and women relate in friendship is typical of how men and women differ cognitively and emotionally. Male friendships tend to begin as more activity-oriented whereas female alliance tends to quickly revolve around a deeper level of conversation and sharing. Male relationships can eventually get to that level of depth but usually only
after a lengthier time of shared experiences.
Trust in a relationship is of paramount importance and at the same time a fragile thing. Trust requires allowing others to see as much of our real selves as we have the courage to reveal. And when we reveal ourselves to others it means they can see behind the many masks we wear as we attempt to overcome our more hidden insecurities.
Much like a garden, we can actually grow our circle of friends. Consider these actions for growing your friendship garden:
• Create a gathering at your home and relish the opportunity to hang out with your pals. Be proactive rather than await- ing invitations.
• Reach out to someone you’ve recently met and schedule a chat. Letting others know that you like them or are interested in knowing them is flattering and helpful in building relationships.
• Connect warmly with everyone you meet. Smile.
• Say “yes” to invitations; be willing to see life as an adventure.
Friendship is the single most important factor influencing our health, well-being, and contentment. Creating and maintaining friendships takes effort in terms of both the time that has to be invested and the thought and care that goes into weaving a life. And like all worthwhile endeavors, the energy invested will expand your own personal growth. Enjoy! And check out our podcasts on Friendship at boomtalkmedia.com.
