The word evokes regularity, observance of some special time, usually celebrated with others, most often your family. It’s a kind of “whenever more than one are gathered.” At this time of year, we actually can think a bit more about the meaning of tradition, of ritual, beyond the commonly held picture of a happy family sitting around a table, joyfully having a meal. This image is emblematic and often seen as the only way to celebrate a holiday like Thanksgiving, Hanukkah or Christmas.
Within the joyful glow, we come to expect the warmth, acceptance, deliciousness and good these images have promised–probably our whole lifetime. The discomfort in our psyches begins to build when we expect and/or demand these rituals. And when life takes a different turn, when there’s been death, divorce, separation or loss of any sort, the appeal of the image is replaced by feelings of disappointment, even sadness and despair. Sometimes, a feeling of being lost and alone settles in the corners of our mind–fearing that our individual life is different and not happening the way it was “supposed to be.”
Meanwhile, in contrast, the fantasy builds around “others” rejoicing.
We may feel alone even when we’re not, but rather, life is chaotic, mixed up and not proceeding according to plan. Misery replaces joy and sad anticipation moves in like an impending storm.
Actually BEing alone calls for creative thinking to head potential loneliness off at the pass; reaching out, or being available, or saying yes to invitations. When we’re single, how about invitations to others that we know have family out of town or who are newly alone? It’s best when others know we are open to gathering and celebrating with them.
Imagine sanctifying a holy day by creating spiritual solitude where we can design nurturing rituals for our own reasons in our own space. Taking a gorgeous hike along the base of Sabino Canyon, or meditating in a beautiful spot with your gratitude journal can be a proactive choice that provides sustenance for a special experience–one that can serve in deeply surprising ways. Consider the options…
Funny thing. Even if we and our loved ones are intact, the pressure to replicate perfection drives many into anxiety resulting in overload and irritability. This is NOT the way to ensure any kind of holiday spirit. Instead, seeking deeper meaning reveals the core reasons we are grateful for the life we have.
Tradition is a comfort for many people. A reliable set of expectations and behaviors. We know what to do and when to do it.
What expands our notion of celebration is being curious about the traditions of others and incorporating them into the design of our ever-evolving lives.
Every time a family changes through absence or presence, a new opportunity emerges to invent a tradition that honors the new configuration. How do blended families deal with the rupture of holiday routines and rituals? We get into interesting considerations here which need to be addressed before the “holidays.” Some advanced thinking is required here to prevent disappointments from occurring, leaving us to work through difficult emotions.
The heart of the matter is to remember the WHY of celebrations or reunions and then decide on the HOW. The HOW can be flexible, modified or changed from year to year, or time to time depending on the current circumstance. Like all of life, the key is to adapt to change and still retain the heart of the matter.
Traditions serve as markers for our lives, they hold our relationship histories, the good and the not so good. They hold aromas, the most potent of reminders of what’s to come. They hold humor and witness to our own growth and evolution and yet the intention of the tradition remains a core resource, even if we temporarily forget or get lost in the details.
A helpful mindset within which to hold holiday traditions is with the concept of “choice.” We always have choices. Choosing a new setting, a new, yet-untested food, or celebrating with a new “family” can feel strange at first. We can seek the best from our memory banks of what has felt beautiful, wonderful, pleasurable, etc., and contribute that lasting glow we remember with sweet pleasure, to our new life or to those celebrating with us.
Make those choices consciously, bring together the older ones, experiment with new ones, talk to others about the best of their treasures and attempt to integrate one or more into your celebration keeping things fresh.
Create a lifeline from your oldest memory to your wildest happy dream for the future and fit in some new twists, foods, people, readings and rituals to make the traditional one that grows with you and the ones you love. Take into consideration the changes that occur within the life cycle and hold the potential for inclusion.
Best of all, think about the fluidity as opposed to the rigidity of traditions and be open to designing new ones!
How might you modify a current tradition that may belong to the past and make it creative, stress-free and more enriching for you and those you cherish!
